it's been a while

...But I haven't forgotten you.

I've been on a war path lately. That takes time, y'know.

So, I've been in the process of cleaning up shop - Within and without.

I work at our church a couple of times a week and yesterday was one of my shifts. Typically, my dear friend, Lorraine, drops me off one hour prior to the time I have to check in. The greater portion of this hour has been devoted to sitting in the quiet sanctuary with my Bible and a journal. Sometimes I just pace the entire place over and over in a slow circle and sing gently. Other times I sit at the piano and strike out small worship songs. But one thing does remain - I pray.

My heart has been full lately. Every person on the planet has a purpose for which they have been ear-marked. The question is whether or not they come to the ripeness of their existence having fulfilled it. My husband and I moved here to Massachusetts because we were impressed to start a church in the seedless soil of Cape Cod. Our move was 1.5 years ago. We are still worshiping and serving in Tiverton, RI, under our Pastor. We really thought that work would have been started by now.

Enter God.

One of the gentlemen in our church approached us recently and had great words of wisdom.

"Where are you right now?"

Wow. Simple question, huh? Maybe not. Profound, really. In fact, it is the key to everything.

We are here. And when we are there, then we will...quite simply...be there. Opportunities are often missed when we sit dreaming of the mystical, magical, "THERE." So I've decided to learn, love, seek, encourage, and just -do- all that God presents while here.

I glanced out of the window the other day and realized that I did not know the names of the people that live in the home directly across the street from me. So I sat in our office and filled out a greeting card inviting them to our home for dinner and/or coffee. It felt good to initiate. We'll see what becomes of it.

Then something unusual happened.

I picked another card and matching envelope off of the pile and scribbled out a message to a couple I had not spoken to in nearly four years.

Then I jumped online and searched for the names of friends and family I hadn't seen or heard from since childhood. Emails fired off, envelopes stuffed and stamps applied.

The bottom line of it all was, once again, simple - "Are you there? Because I am here."

It might seem silly to some to reach out to people that time and circumstance took away. Not to me. I do not have much family left and the friends of yesteryear have no idea where the path has taken me. So what am I waiting for?

In the last few months my mother gave me a call to let me know that my childhood babysitter/family friend had passed away quietly at home. I was reminded of the many Christmases I spent in her living room hanging delicate, gold ornaments off of green branches. But things changed along the way and our families grew apart. And now the void between us is permanent. So I glance at a card in that pile and realize that it cannot be sent to her attention any longer. She is now there. And I am just here.

I kicked myself. How many people have I allowed to slip through the cracks because of perceived offenses, petty disagreements and the passage of time?

In prayer, the bigger question arose: Why did I ever allow myself to feel justified?

I -am- on that war path. And I am battling myself. And I don't even much care what family or friends think about my attempting to re-establish connections.

I am tired of kicking dirt on the fresh graves of people I buried long ago.